Image courtesy of Piviso.
Bam-wham. Is it just me or is the Universe working at a really accelerated rate to get us to where we want to be – and where It wants us to be – right now?
These last few weeks through the end of 2016 and the first few days of 2017 have felt like an energetic ball of fire blowing through me. Swirling up dozens of my patterns, bringing them up for release.
Among the multitude of things that have come up for me are an old, old pattern from childhood – an incident I knew was of significance but had no idea quite how much – that had me putting constant checks on how I allowed myself to be in my interactions with others.
Glad to get to the root of that one.
Now to integrate the awareness that it’s Safe to be me, whether other people like and accept Authentic Me or not.
There’s also been a lot coming up around control.
My tendency towards obedience to rules without questioning. My irrational fear of authority figures. My ingrained pattern of submitting and yielding my power to both those in societal positions of power; and those who I feel are somehow superior to me – whether that be in strength, age, wisdom, knowledge or experience.
My co-dependent tendencies that have allowed me to be manipulated and controlled by others in relationship.
The same tendencies that have had me also trying to manipulate and control others – particularly their opinions of me.
Always striving to be the kind, compassionate, loving friend, colleague or partner who overlooks and forgives. Justifying and rationalizing behavior that dishonors me or the relationship out of a long-nursed fear of losing the other person’s love if I allow the Kali-infused incensed part of my personality that wants to honor my Truth to raise its voice.
Swallowing my pain instead of asking for what I need.
My new commitment to myself is to voice my needs and what I desire to experience, even when I’m scared of the possible consequences.
I am trusting that what is meant for me will stay; the rest be blown away in the wind.
More “stuff” coming up around the way I give my authority and power away to others by taking on too much advice and too many opinions instead of allowing myself to be the only and sovereign power in my life.
Choosing to deepen into trusting my intuitive knowing about the path my Soul is leading me on instead.
Clearing and releasing around the ways I have dishonored others and allowed them to dishonor me.
Committing to step up into a more authentic relationship with my Voice in relationships with others.
Accepting that it’s okay for others to be upset with me sometimes. That I’m probably not being true to myself if they’re not.
Letting go of my need to “control” and take responsibility for things that are not mine.
Setting myself free of all that extraneous, unnecessary drama.
Starting to let people be who they are without trying to change or “save” them.
Letting the world be what it is without resistance.
Being okay with “what is” however that presents. Knowing some things are beyond my control and others – yes, you got it – nothing to do with me.
Releasing the feeling that I need to make things better for people; “rescue” them from their pain; or take their problem away.
Knowing it is only when we face our pain and come through it that we reap the seeds of true joy and authenticity; that I dishonor others when I take their experience away.
So much forgiveness coming up, too.
Forgiveness for myself.
Forgiveness for former partners.
Forgiveness up and down my ancestral lines.
Forgiveness also asked for the whole of humanity and the way we have dishonored the Earth, ourselves, each other.
Issues around abundance rising to the surface; an opening up to receive more of mine.
Releasing my distrust and dislike of the feminine.
The part of me that perceives it as weak, submissive, unvoiced, powerless.
The part of me that perceives it as wild, sensual, passionate, untamed: is scared of embracing that power.
Awakening to the knowing that I desire to embody the Divine in a more feminine way. To not only deepen into meditation and spiritual practices; but to also embrace the vital, alive, playful and sensuous being that is the feminine embodiment of all that I Am.
Opening up; allowing myself to be expressed as a fully-embodied sensual woman. Exploring what that means for me.
Allowing myself to reclaim all the places where I’ve held myself back for fear of being “too much.”
Giving myself permission to be a strong and powerful woman; not just a soft and gentle one.
Embracing – whispering words of comfort and strength to – my resistance, my fear around being vulnerable; my resistance and fear around being seen; being fully me; relinquishing my habit of making myself “smaller” and “less than” so I fit in better with what society wants and/or expects of me.
Allowing myself to step into and own my magnificence; the light and radiance that I Am.
Many of these are things that I’ve worked on before: now I’m revisiting them on a deeper level.
They’ve been released and cleared – to the extent that is possible for me at this time – with help from my guides and angels; the Archangels and Masters. Also an exceptionally well-timed T.I.M.E. Heal session with Lisa Jo Davis, ZPoint session with Reba Linker, and Soul sessions with Michaela Jane of Step Into Your True Power And Shine and Total Goddess Immersion.
I know these patterns are not necessarily 100% cleared. I know we’re always a work in progress – that there’s always more love and expansiveness we can grow into.
I don’t need to be told that I now need to translate these a-ha moments and the stuff I’ve cleared around them into real and discernible change in my life.
But I also know that a significant amount of transformation and the transmuting of these energies has already taken place. It’s felt huge, powerful, expansive and life-changing.
With the unexpected sighting of Venus on January second – I felt drawn to go outside for a walk shortly before dusk and when I looked at the sky I had no idea what to think. It was like there was a very bright and unusually placed star close to, and in perfect alignment with, the moon. I felt a powerful surge of energy fill me as I gazed on these two orbs of light in the night sky; seemingly so close, yet so far away.
On returning home and finding out it was Venus, I did a bit of Internet sleuthing.
“Venus is a very advanced spiritual place, with highly developed arts and a fantastic system of spiritual healing and cosmic schools,” I read.*
Yes, I am totally ready to receive and welcome some more of that energy into my cells and life.
It felt like yet another confirmation of the miraculous and game-changing time we are living in.
I am so thankful to the guides, angels and Masters who have helped – and are helping – me to clear so much with ease and grace; who nudged me to go outside at just the right time to experience the Cosmos align in this way.
It feels like we are being called to open up to and expand into so much more of our power and Truth.
I feel the Universe there guiding and supporting us every step of the way; sending guides and angels and the perfect healing modalities to intercede for us as we do.
Yes, the Universe really does have my/(our) back(s).
I know my strength and my power do not lie in my Ego; but in my Soul, the Oversoul and my connection to Divine Source.
In trusting in, surrendering to, that connection.
May I continue to allow myself to expand into more of my authentic power; an ever-more intimate relationship with Source.
May we all continue to expand into more of our authentic power and an ever-more intimate relationship with our Source.
I am sending out love and golden rays of light, peace and joy to be with you at the start of this New Year my friends.
Full steam ahead into 2017, and whatever it may bring.
*Quote taken from https://wherethelightcomes.com/questions-and-answers/
I recently had a spate of things ‘going wrong’ with my house and the things in it. The floor in my corridor, which had always had a severe dip at one end of it even when I first moved in about 11 years ago, has, over the years, distorted so much so that for a few years now the nails that are supposed to be holding it up have been clearly visible above the flooring, and glimpses of the weeds outside can be seen through the resultant gap.
To be honest this hadn’t really worried me all that much. I knew that my landlord didn’t plan to spend any money on the house because of its age, and that they had said they were planning to knock it down when I moved out. The floor had never felt particularly unstable, and as long as I was careful not to snag my clothes or, worse, my bare feet, on the nails, I didn’t really see it as too much of a problem; more an idiosyncrasy of the house.
Then, a couple of weeks ago the floor in the room next to it began to make ominous noises when I walked on that side of the corridor to avoid the deepest part of the dip in the middle. On the same night the sliding door at the end of the corridor also began to play up, and was so difficult to move that I was afraid I might accidentally trap myself in the toilet and bathroom area that lies beyond. I had visions of myself naked and in distress having to climb outside the bathroom window to let myself back into the main part of the house.
Living far away from my home country and the support of family members, the next morning I duly called my pottery teachers, (one of whom is also a wizard with wood and had looked at it a couple of weeks previously and said he’d see what could be done), and explained the situation to them. He said he would come by that week and, in the meantime, I started to tread more gingerly, not wanting to make the situation any worse or, as he had indicated might be a possibility, fall through the floor.
I didn’t really think of it as anything more than a structural problem with the house, and maybe a sign that I had left things as they were for a bit too long. But then, the very next day, two of the wheels broke off the bottom of the cheap plastic drawers I used to store my computer-related things in as I moved it very slightly to one side as I had done hundreds of times before.
Now I was listening. I’ve been putting my attention on reading the signs the Universe sends me, and it seemed that the combination of these two things could be an indication that there was something wrong with my ‘foundations’ and that I wasn’t supported enough or building on solid enough ground.
I’ve been on a journey the last year or so of coming back into relationship with my soul, so I didn’t think it was that. I felt like I was building on more solid ground than I had in a long time. So what was the Universe trying to say to me? I wasn’t sure; but figured it would all become clear in time.
Sure enough, my teacher arrived on the Wednesday morning, complete with concrete blocks and thick and sturdy looking pieces of wood, and squeezed himself under the house to take a look. His verdict: there wasn’t enough room under there to get the materials in and raise the floor from beneath as he had hoped to do.
Briefly, I felt my heart sink. I didn’t feel quite up to the task of looking for a new place to live just yet, but didn’t want to live in a house that was considered unsafe.
Then he continued: the corridor was actually far more stable than he had originally thought. There was, in fact, a whopping great beam that ran right down the center of it; and the only reason the floor dipped was because when they constructed the house some space had inadvertently been left between the beam and the flooring. That dipped part in the center of the corridor was actually the safest place to put your weight on. He even jumped up and down on it energetically a few times to show me.
Now I had my message: I am more supported than I can ever know. I have been supported all along. I’m supported now. And now. And now. And all it takes is a slight shift in perception to see it.
This rang true for me at last.
Despite a fantastic network of friends here, I have sometimes felt like I can’t ask for the support I feel I need, practical and emotional, because it feels like I might be putting them out too much. While most of us have some sort of issues with our family, at least in more cases than not we know that they can be counted on to be there for us and support us in someway if we need them. With friends I believe we often exercise a bit more restraint; not wanting to burden them with our problems when we know they have enough of their own things going on.
Until I, very recently, got my permanent residency, I hadn’t felt safe or secure in my right to be here in Japan either; fearing each time I renewed my visa, in case I somehow didn’t meet the conditions this time round.
And yet I now knew, with a conviction and certainty that surprised me, that even though I might not have seen it before, the Universe has been supporting me all along.
This has been particularly transparent this last year, as I have walked the path of awakening; gradually becoming more and more aware of such things.
When I was feeling trapped and stuck in emotional pain, along came a seminar on releasing your emotions and letting go. I decided I needed a new closet for my bedroom that was short enough to let in more light from the window behind, and my friend in the village asks me does anyone need two chests of drawers she has recently removed from her mother’s house. I noticed, again, in what bad repair the bookcase in my living room was and decided a new one needed to be procured, and a friend who is clearing out her office space has one that is the perfect fit for the very limited space I have. Even this week, I realized I needed to get some bins for the shelves that replaced the plastic case, and my good friend just happens to have two that she no longer needs.
And when I look back at my life, I can see that I have always been supported, even before I really knew that that was what it was. Succeeding in getting on the JET program and coming to Japan despite a dreadful, dreadful interview. In the past somehow always managing to surround myself with people who like to cook for me, at least enough that I’m not going to starve and go hungry despite my own, until recently, very limited cooking skills. Talking to the one person in the village who could tell me who I needed to ask to introduce me to the landlady so that she would be open to letting this house, when I had been told by others in the village that it was in no way an option.
The ways in which I’ve been supported are multifold and I could go on and on. All it took was a slight shift in perception to begin to perceive it.
I have now started to give thanks for this support as I notice it; to affirm that I’m receiving it; and to invite more of it in by giving thanks in advance for all the support that I will be given that day. As I incorporate these practices into my daily life, the support continues to flood in. I am more aware of it than I was before and notice it for what it is. I am truly grateful for all the goodness and abundance that has been given me. And I open my arms wide to receive more. I know that I’m standing on a solid foundation of support from none less than the all mighty Universe, and that however much I might feel like I’m balancing precariously on thin ice at times, all it takes is a slight shift in perception to see just how completely taken care of I really am.
Everything we have comes from and is given back to the Universe. I like to think that the Universe delights in our appreciation of its gifts, just as we delight in a small child’s excitement at and appreciation of his or her birthday presents. What can we be thankful for today? How are we being supported? When we open our eyes to these things, we realize just how beautiful and miraculous life is – life itself being the most precious gift of all.
(More on the plastic case in the next post).