The Energies are Ripe for Release & Transmutation

It's the start of a New Year and the energies are really intense. A great time for releasing old patterns and stepping up into something new.
Image courtesy of geralt.

Bam-wham. Is it just me or is the Universe working at a really accelerated rate to get us to where we want to be – and where It wants us to be – right now?

These last few weeks through the end of 2016 and the first few days of 2017 have felt like an energetic ball of fire blowing through me. Swirling up dozens of my patterns, bringing them up for release.

Among the multitude of things that have come up for me are an old, old pattern from childhood – an incident I knew was of significance but had no idea quite how much – that had me putting constant checks on how I allowed myself to be in my interactions with others.

Glad to get to the root of that one.

Now to integrate the awareness that it’s Safe to be me, whether other people like and accept Authentic Me or not.

There’s also been a lot coming up around control.

My tendency towards obedience to rules without questioning. My irrational fear of authority figures. My ingrained pattern of submitting and yielding my power to both those in societal positions of power; and those who I feel are somehow superior to me – whether that be in strength, age, wisdom, knowledge or experience.

My co-dependent tendencies that have allowed me to be manipulated and controlled by others in relationship.

The same tendencies that have had me also trying to manipulate and control others – particularly their opinions of me.

Always striving to be the kind, compassionate, loving friend, colleague or partner who overlooks and forgives. Justifying and rationalizing behavior that dishonors me or the relationship out of a long-nursed fear of losing the other person’s love if I allow the Kali-infused incensed part of my personality that wants to honor my Truth to raise its voice.

Swallowing my pain instead of asking for what I need.

My new commitment to myself is to voice my needs and what I desire to experience, even when I’m scared of the possible consequences.

I am trusting that what is meant for me will stay; the rest be blown away in the wind.

More “stuff” coming up around the way I give my authority and power away to others by taking on too much advice and too many opinions instead of allowing myself to be the only and sovereign power in my life.

Choosing to deepen into trusting my intuitive knowing about the path my Soul is leading me on instead.

Clearing and releasing around the ways I have dishonored others and allowed them to dishonor me.

Committing to step up into a more authentic relationship with my Voice in relationships with others.

Accepting that it’s okay for others to be upset with me sometimes. That I’m probably not being true to myself if they’re not.

Letting go of my need to “control” and take responsibility for things that are not mine.

Setting myself free of all that extraneous, unnecessary drama.

Starting to let people be who they are without trying to change or “save” them.

Letting the world be what it is without resistance.

Being okay with “what is” however that presents. Knowing some things are beyond my control and others – yes, you got it – nothing to do with me.

Releasing the feeling that I need to make things better for people; “rescue” them from their pain; or take their problem away.

Knowing it is only when we face our pain and come through it that we reap the seeds of true joy and authenticity; that I dishonor others when I take their experience away.

So much forgiveness coming up, too.

Forgiveness for myself.

Forgiveness for former partners.

Forgiveness up and down my ancestral lines.

Forgiveness also asked for the whole of humanity and the way we have dishonored the Earth, ourselves, each other.

Issues around abundance rising to the surface; an opening up to receive more of mine.

Releasing my distrust and dislike of the feminine.

The part of me that perceives it as weak, submissive, unvoiced, powerless.

The part of me that perceives it as wild, sensual, passionate, untamed: is scared of embracing that power.

Awakening to the knowing that I desire to embody the Divine in a more feminine way. To not only deepen into meditation and spiritual practices; but to also embrace the vital, alive, playful and sensuous being that is the feminine embodiment of all that I Am.

Opening up; allowing myself to be expressed as a fully-embodied sensual woman. Exploring what that means for me.

Allowing myself to reclaim all the places where I’ve held myself back for fear of being “too much.”

Giving myself permission to be a strong and powerful woman; not just a soft and gentle one.

Embracing – whispering words of comfort and strength to – my resistance, my fear around being vulnerable; my resistance and fear around being seen; being fully me; relinquishing my habit of making myself “smaller” and “less than” so I fit in better with what society wants and/or expects of me.

Allowing myself to step into and own my magnificence; the light and radiance that I Am.

Many of these are things that I’ve worked on before: now I’m revisiting them on a deeper level.

They’ve been released and cleared – to the extent that is possible for me at this time – with help from my guides and angels; the Archangels and Masters. Also an exceptionally well-timed T.I.M.E. Heal session with Lisa Jo Davis, ZPoint session with Reba Linker, and Soul sessions with Michaela Jane of Step Into Your True Power And Shine and Total Goddess Immersion.

I know these patterns are not necessarily 100% cleared. I know we’re always a work in progress – that there’s always more love and expansiveness we can grow into.

I don’t need to be told that I now need to translate these a-ha moments and the stuff I’ve cleared around them into real and discernible change in my life.

But I also know that a significant amount of transformation and the transmuting of these energies has already taken place. It’s felt huge, powerful, expansive and life-changing.

With the unexpected sighting of Venus on January second – I felt drawn to go outside for a walk shortly before dusk and when I looked at the sky I had no idea what to think. It was like there was a very bright and unusually placed star close to, and in perfect alignment with, the moon. I felt a powerful surge of energy fill me as I gazed on these two orbs of light in the night sky; seemingly so close, yet so far away.

On returning home and finding out it was Venus, I did a bit of Internet sleuthing.

“Venus is a very advanced spiritual place, with highly developed arts and a fantastic system of spiritual healing and cosmic schools,” I read.*

Yes, I am totally ready to receive and welcome some more of that energy into my cells and life.

It felt like yet another confirmation of the miraculous and game-changing time we are living in.

I am so thankful to the guides, angels and Masters who have helped – and are helping – me to clear so much with ease and grace; who nudged me to go outside at just the right time to experience the Cosmos align in this way.

It feels like we are being called to open up to and expand into so much more of our power and Truth.

I feel the Universe there guiding and supporting us every step of the way; sending guides and angels and the perfect healing modalities to intercede for us as we do.

Yes, the Universe really does have my/(our) back(s).

I know my strength and my power do not lie in my Ego; but in my Soul, the Oversoul and my connection to Divine Source.

In trusting in, surrendering to, that connection.

May I continue to allow myself to expand into more of my authentic power; an ever-more intimate relationship with Source.

May we all continue to expand into more of our authentic power and an ever-more intimate relationship with our Source.

I am sending out love and golden rays of light, peace and joy to be with you at the start of this New Year my friends.

Full steam ahead into 2017, and whatever it may bring.

*Quote taken from


The River Flow and Embracing Change

Photo courtesy of Jeremiah Goodman.
Photo courtesy of Jeremiah Goodman.

It seems that in each act of nature there is a kernel of wisdom; an immutable and eternal truth. When we allow ourselves to be really present with the world around us, our eyes are opened and we perceive more. All that is left, then, is to allow our hearts to fully engage and to receive the gift of knowing that nature is gently and lovingly sending our way.

This is the story of me and a river. A river that is, literally, waved in front of my face every day; there being only a narrow road, a field of (right now) Chinese cabbages and a stretch of river bank between it and my house. Like most of the rivers in Japan it is dammed. I walk by this river almost every day with my dog and observe it in all its many seasons.

Today, as on most days, the water is moving freely, glistening in the sunshine, animatedly tracing its path downstream. This is the river in flow; vibrant and healthy; powerful and alive; moving purposefully towards its destination.

Just occasionally, when no water has been released from the dam for a while and there’s been a dearth of rain, the river loses its vitality. It still looks poetic, trickling between the stones and pebbles on the river bed; but the water flow shrinks to a dribble and stagnant pools of it collect between rocks, stranded there without the vitalizing force of the river flow to carry them forward and downstream.

This river has been an important presence in my life ever since I moved to the village. Its beauty and quietness create a resonant peace and stillness in my heart, and I love to walk by its side.

This last year and a half it has also been a profound teacher; demonstrating by example the constant flux and flow of all that is, and reawakening in me the knowing of the necessity of embracing this change and flow in my own life.

As with the river, so it is with us; without any forward momentum our circumstances stagnate and we wake up one day to find ourselves stranded on a river bank in our lives, questioning if this is where we really want to be.

This is where I found myself at the start of last year, forced to confront the fact that the relationship, in which I’d thus far been very happy, wasn’t actually moving forward towards the kind of life of partnership and the shared future that I envisioned.

Even when we know a truth, it can take us such a long time to accept it in our lives; especially when that truth is a painful one.

And sometimes a stagnant pool of water or a familiar river bank can feel so much safer than releasing ourselves into the river flow.

Awakened from autopilot mode, I at first tried to control and shape my reality in a different direction, hoping for change within the relationship that would bring it closer to the kind of life I envisioned.

When this didn’t work, I was torn between the part of me who wanted to cling to the safe and familiar that was not only known, but had also been the biggest source of happiness in my life thus far; and the recently awakened part of me who had begun to accept that the only way I could stay in the relationship was if I chose to deny myself the opportunity to experience what it was I really wanted from relationship: a shared life built together.

This internal battle played out externally in bouts of anxiety, depression and tearfulness, as I desperately clung onto that rock in the middle of the river that my relationship had been and all the safety and security that I thought it provided; fearful to embrace the uncertainty of the river flow, even as the knowing in my heart told me that its time had come and urged me to let go and embrace the resultant deluge, allowing myself to be swept downstream.

Eventually I did pluck up the courage to relinquish myself to the river flow.

And, after a brief respite reminiscent of the stillness at the center of a whirlpool, that was when the resistance really kicked in.

It bewildered me that even though I was the one who had walked away, believing I was making a decision that served my greatest and highest good, I was still experiencing so much pain and strife at this very decision.

It is said that it’s not the change in our lives that causes the stress and anxiety, but our resistance to it.

I now know this to be true on a very personal level. It was my inability to let go internally  – to accept that circumstances and people change and some things just aren’t destined to last; that all of life is change and flow and we can never hold onto anything in the physical world, its security is all an illusion; to forgive myself for not being able to make it work and for walking away from this person who had shown me such love and kindness; to release my attachment to someone who had been such a large part of my life for so long –  even after I had let go externally, that was the cause of my pain; not the actual change in my circumstances.

And in this, too, the river became my teacher; a physical representation of the inevitable flow of all that is, as I learned to consciously release attachment and embrace change and flow.

I spent many an hour walking by the river, exhaling my resistance and attachment to the old, my fears of the unknown, my doubts and insecurities about myself and my future… Breathing in surrender to the river flow, acceptance of what is, the belief that everything in life is occurring for our greatest and highest good, trust in myself and my decision, faith in the Universe and its design for our lives, the courage to step forward into the new and unknown and embrace its infinite potential…

Being by the river and its physical reminder that all of life is flow and change calmed my heart and gave me strength. It showed me the necessity of putting my faith in the never-ending unfolding beauty and flow of life, rather than trying to cling to the illusions of the physical world or control the flow of reality

This was a process to which I had to surrender, just as the water surrenders to the river flow. And, painful as it may have been at times, I now find myself several miles downstream; more connected, more peaceful, more empowered, and facing a whole new view.

During the course of this life shift I have come to believe that just like the river we have a path, and that the flow of life naturally leads us there. I willingly surrender to this flow. I open myself to embrace change and the unknown. I am choosing anew each day to release fear and doubt and to embody courage. it is my intention to live like the river in flow – vibrant and healthy; powerful and alive; moving purposefully towards my destination as I enjoy the journey along the way.