I don’t pretend to
understand
the intricate complexities of
who and
what I really am –
an ego housed in a
body it’s true, with
hopes and dreams,
fears and doubts,
desires…
to be or have or do
something
more.
A history,
memories…
some of pain and suffering,
some of light and joy.
And that’s not all…
I’m the rich inheritor of a long
lineage of DNA that
bespoke who I have
become –
the kink in my hair,
my slender wrists and ankles,
the veins breaking through my skin –
gifts
given to me
by my ancestors.
And surely it is also them I
have to thank for the
less visible legacies of
intellect and
character.
And I am, too, the
product of my
environment –
a love of books and learning
instilled when young
well-worn companions to this day.
Now an anomalous
blend of
East and West after
half a lifetime spent
in a home away from
home.
And yet…
None of this even begins to
penetrate the ambiguities,
barely grazes the surface of my
depths.
I’m so much more.
I’m the compassionate heart;
the perceptive mind;
the determined will;
the loving soul;
the blood that runs through veins;
the prana that enlivens;
the eyes that see;
the ears that hear;
the hands that touch and comfort and hold.
Hold onto what?
Hold onto whatsoever
I
deem
important.
And now that I think of it,
it’s not just the hands that hold…
My mind – conscious and not – holds on to
concepts,
beliefs,
outlived emotions,
all the things I’ve been told,
all the things I’ve read and
seen and heard…
All the things I’ve thought I am.
Until awakened
questioning – yes;
but not contemplating if a
thought-form was conducive to
wholeness or not…,
holding on to
so many that
weren’t.
And still I love this mind of mine,
this deep unfathomable enigma…
for even as it holds fast to
limited notions of who and
what I am,
it’s all the time
grasping
for the truth
beyond.
Broaching the subject and the
boundaries of intellectual
understanding I would have to say
from lived experience that it’s
when we let go of everything –
break through our preconceptions –
that we come
closest to the
truth.
And what do
I
find
when I allow myself to
look and really see,
to perceive with the
heart
as well as the
mind?
To look with the
eyes of the
soul?
That I’m everything and
nothing
all at once…
a divine spark of
life
in human form…
an entity made of the same
cosmic building blocks as the
stars in the sky,
the fish in the rivers,
the leaves that rustle in the wind…
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
Everything – for the
Universe
is contained
within my depths.
Nothing – for there is no
“me,”
only the
breath of life
that flows through
all.
I am
Life
Love
Birth
Rebirth
Change
Regeneration
Dying
Death…
An impermanent
Infinite
breath of
Life.
What are we
really
when the flesh is
burned away to
reveal
charred and
brittle bones
and all we are left with is
Truth?
That answer will come in its own time, but
for now…
I love the
breath of life
that
breathes through me
graces me my days.
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